1. Pray.
The first thought that came to my mind when I learned about Dale's condition was,
Why him, God?
It is shameful that I have to question God about His intentions about my son. But I guess, it is but human nature to do so.
I learned that praying is a good way to keep you sane. Conversations with the unknown? Yes, it is. During times when I doubt Dale's capabilities or future, I talk to Him. Even if I don't hear His voice, I see his answers through Dale's magnificent, even miraculous transformation.
2. Accept.
The second thing I did was to accept that Dale has autism. And I guess that was the best thing I have ever done.
With acceptance, I helped Dale become who he is now. Without it, you'll be living in a state of denial and will not help your child to overcome his/her condition.
3. Find Support.
Everywhere. Start with your family. I just hope that your family is as supportive as mine. They also accepted the fact that Dale has autism, and this helped so much.
My Dad taught him a lot, especially about patience. He used to take Dale to school, and patiently disciplined Dale. My dad, the behavior modification therapist. =)
My Mom, Dad's counterpart, gives Dale a lot of love. She spoils him rotten and gives him almost everything he wants.
I guess it was what Dale needed, a balance of superpowers hovering over him. =)
My parents cover for me when I can't go to school for a meeting, or to watch a program they were having. They provide for Dale when I can't do so. They bring him to the hospital when he is sick.
My brothers and sisters helped me in so many ways... especially when taking care of Dale. They bring him along for Church service and malling.
My nieces and nephews, played with him and taught him new games... they looked after him when I can't.
My husband's family.... another support group. I owe them a lot... especially in taking care of Dale when nobody from our side is available.
My husband Ronald... I know he was in a state of denial for a long time, even if he won't admit it. He might not witness everything that Dale ever did and have accomplished, but I know he loved Dale deeply and is ready to provide for him when the need arises.
My daughter Anea... when she learned that Dale has autism, she patiently told him to stop pulling her hair. Before that, she screamed and hit him when he did. She takes time to teach him how to behave, how to read, how to talk. She's my first miracle.
His brother Tony, the greatest brother that ever lived, became his therapist. When Tony started talking, he talked to Dale everyday... soon after, Dale started talking. When Tony started being playful, he played with Dale everyday.... soon after, Dale started playing with him.
I guess the best thing I did after Dale was having Tony. Do not be afraid to have another child in your lives. I know it will be difficult, but he/she might be your next miracle. He saved us 500 pesos per hour worth of speech therapy, and 500 pesos per hour worth of play/occupational therapy.
4. Work.
Yes, work. You might not have a lot of time for your son, but working keeps you away from him for 8 hours a day. You can say that it is selfish of me, but it helps to keep your mind away from his condition even for a few hours. Keep yourself sane, or else you might not be able to help your son at all.
And with the expense that comes with his condition, you need all the money you can get. =)
Working for a good company also gets him medical insurance for free. We have been using this insurance since he was 4 months old. He was already hospitalized 8 times, for infantile asthma and a seizure.
5. Be patient.
Improvement will not be seen overnight. Breathe. Live life one day at a time. Marvel at his successes. Wait for him to grow.
6. Read.
Be in the know. You will learn tips and tools to use on your child. Sort of like What to Expect When (You're Expecting) You Have a Child With Autism.
It doesn't mean read books. There are websites to help you, too. You can google on the word AUTISM and you'll get thousands of hits.
7. Join Egroups.
You'll get great tips from parents about everything!
8. Study.
When reading isn't enough, you can always take up SPED (Special Education). You'll learn a lot from people who have taught special children on a first-hand basis.
9. Be firm.
Mean what you say. If you say NO, then mean NO. If your child asks for a chocolate brownie and you said NO, don't give it to him when he cries for it.
Why? Children are great manipulators. They think that if they can cry their way into you, they will do that. Besides, crying is really good for the lungs. =)
If he doesn't stop crying, offer him something else.
10. Treat your child like any normal kid.
Shout all you want. Bottling up your anger will give you a heart attack. I do spank, but not that hard. I do shout, that, I do loudly.
Do not treat him differently. Do not think that he already has a condition, why be harsh? Discipline your child if he needs it. Treating him differently will not help him at all.
11. Find a good doctor.
Your child's Pediatrician should know about his condition. If you find a good doctor, stick to him/her. The first thing I look for in a doctor is how he gives medicines. Mine takes into consideration his age and weight before actually prescribing the dosage. He doesn't give antibiotics right away. In short, he assesses the child's condition thoroughly before advising.
Try Dr. Jose Clemente, Room 349 of Makati Medical Center. His clinic is also a haven for kids with all his toys and free lollipops.
You may also want to know that I was impressed with the MMC Emergency Room when we took Dale when he had a seizure. Imagine Chicago Hope or ER. Great professional service.
12. Find a good yaya.
Your lifesaver! A good knowledgable and patient yaya will phone you during emergencies, knows your child's diet by heart, knows his medicine schedule and the corresponding dosage, will follow your rules.
13. Take your child (almost) everywhere.
Do not keep him like a prisoner at home. The more he goes out, the more he sees how it should be outside his own world.
While in the zoo, talk to him about the animals. Do not lose hope and think that he doesn't listen. He does! Continue talking and offer him things to touch, things to see, and things to hear.
Let him roam, but keep your eyes on him. If you're going out as a family, ask the yaya to come with you so she can take care of the other children.
14. Find time for yourself (and your other children, and your husband).
Take a day off from taking care of your special child. Ask your parents to watch over him for a day, and take your spouse for a date.
You can also take one of your kids out, just you and him/her. Siblings tend to be jealous of your special child because of the special attention you give him/her. Doing this even once or twice a month lessens jealousy among siblings.
15. Keep memories.
Take loads of pictures! Capture precious moments on video. Go back and see them once in a while. You'll see the changes in your child's face there.
16. Blog.
Write on your journal. Let out your feelings. Write your child a letter. Let your creative juices flow.
I chose to do this online, 'coz I thought that maybe some other mom out there needs to know how I am feeling. Maybe, in some way, I could help.
This will also serve as a memento for your child when he learns how to read in the future.
17. Buy an MP3 player.
No, this is not a joke. Most kids like Dale calm down when they hear music. Choose soothing ones. You can have him listen to them when you're in the car going somewhere. My mom gave me an MP3 player (no, not the iPod, but works the same) and I discovered that it is helpful to keep Dale quiet. Now, the MP3 player never leaves my bag.
18. Choose a good school with supportive teachers.
The Pasay City SPED Center is a public school for special children living in Pasay. They have airconditioned rooms and well-trained teachers. Tuition is almost free.
19. Pray again.
And thank the Lord for another day with your special child.
Finally, BREATHE.
Live life one breath at a time. Just like what the song from Garbage says:
The trick is to keep breathing.
