Anguish, Love, and Learning

Thank you for everyone who supported me and Dale during the past couple of days. I am not going to lie and tell you that I am okay now with everything. My heart bleeds still. I've gone two days without sleep, and I became deeply depressed. I realized this was not an ordinary case. This was a case of discrimination.

It was my decision to transfer my children to my alma mater. The reasons were one, because it was nearer; and two, because I wanted them to be accustomed to a big school. Now, I realized I made the wrong decision.

It is too late now to transfer them again, and I don't want them to be strongly affected by all of these. A lot of you have informed and advised me to go to court with it. Some said to go to PAASCU and report the school and have their accreditation stripped.

Thank you.

But, I think that the best way to get back our dignity is to inform people, as many as we can, about the issue of autism and discrimination.

Dale was diagnosed as having autism at age 3. He was non-verbal at first, but he eventually started talking when his younger brother also started talking to him, making him our first therapist. We enrolled Dale in the early intervention program of Pasay City SPED Center, where he stayed for 4 years. During those times, he excelled intellectually and was even featured in the docufilm "Alyana" (by MiranaMedina; http://advocacine.wordpress.com).

He graduated from SPED with honors and was accepted as Grade 1 (fully included) at San Isidro Catholic School. Of course, being a child with special needs, there were minor problems that arose, but due to his intellect and easy grasp of things, we have never been called in for anything major.

During those years, he learned he was different from other children and he eventually accepted that he needed help. He was quick to accept faults and even quicker to forgive.

When he entered his recent school, he was placed in the "star" section (based on his grades and his entrance test results) and from day 1 we have encountered problems with them (see http://arolfdelano.multiply.com/journal/item/81/A_New_Beginning). During that year, we have had minimal problems with Dale and his teachers.

When he entered Grade 5, it was then a different story. During the first conference with his teachers, they even told me they were not sure how Dale passed Grade 4.

Now that this happened (http://www.facebook.com/notes/reich-delos-santos-santos/untitled/486215821253), I am not sure of what to do anymore. All I know is that not everything is about me, nor Dale. I have to think of my other two children who can survive in that school. Making a legal move can affect not only Dale, but them as well. And I wouldn't want that.

All I know is what the school did was wrong. They accepted my son knowing who he is. They have the responsibility not only to him, but to us parents and the whole community. The principal also told me that "yung iba nga pong teachers, pinapabayaan na lang nila si "Dale" for the benefit of the other students." Meaning, my son is being neglected as well.

His counselor told me, there were children who were worse than Dale. Others, were "normal." I'm not sure what's so "special" about Dale that they do not want him there.

I told Dale the truth. When he heard it, he smiled a little (the prospect of not going to school is tempting to every student), but his face slowly changed into a frown when he realized what I was saying. He said "You mean, they think that I'm gonna ruin everything when I'm there?" How do you answer that?

You may also ask me, how could I have had the heart to tell him the truth?

I love my son. That, I think, is obvious. I have done everything I could for him. I have shielded him to the best of my ability from things that might hurt him. But he is getting older. I believe that he needs to develop a deeper sense of understanding of how cruel the society we live in is sometimes, because if not, he will always be taken advantage of. I will not live forever, and I cannot stand up for him all the time. Getting sick made me realize how short life is.

I am not stupid. I graduated high school from that school, as well. I finished college with honors. I got my teaching license after pursuing a teaching certificate. I am now 6 units, a practicum and a thesis short of an M.A. degree in Education. I write for an international autism community website. And most importantly, I am the daughter of brilliant parents, both coming from clans that cannot be reckoned with. I cannot understand how they had the audacity to even suggest such a horrendous and inhumane act, and thinking they can get away with it.

Let this be a lesson to all teachers, because it was for me. Be reminded of what we have sworn into.

Section 2. A teacher shall recognize that the interest and welfare of learners are of first and foremost concern, and shall deal justifiably and impartially with each of them.

Section 3. Under no circumstance shall a teacher be prejudiced or discriminate against a learner.

If you do not have the heart and compassion for ALL students, don't teach! This was said to be the noblest profession. Let us not tarnish the reputation of the teachers who are dedicated to their profession. Let us not be stagnant and be still. Teachers should also learn.

The prevalence of autism in 2009 was estimated to have reached 1:91 children. This just means that more and more children with special needs will come into your classrooms. Be proactive and learn how to manage and handle them. They are no different from any other children, except that they need more understanding and patience--two traits that should be inherent in every educator.

You do not even have to enroll in special courses. Google it!

Lastly, let us be responsible in making other people aware of this rising condition. People do not care, because they do not know. People do not care, because they do not have a "Dale." Ask yourself, if Dale was your son, would you do the same thing?

Please start by reading an article from the Inquirer. This gave me hope today. http://newsinfo.inquirer.net/inquirerheadlines/learning/view/20110116-314873/Engaging_Gabriel

We are currently celebrating National Autism Consciousness Week. See the Autism Society Philippines website -- http://autismsocietyphilippines.blogspot.com/2010/12/15th-national-autism-consciousness-week.html

For more information about Dale's journey, please go to http://possibilities1217.blogspot.com

Please be an angel by spreading the word.

Again, my sincerest gratitude to everybody. Hugs from Dale. God bless you.

Untitled (due to too much pain)

Sometimes, you realize that there really is no easy way for a child with autism. There will always be someone, or some organization that will put him down.

I just came from the Principal's office where my son, Dale (12), is now enrolled as Grade 5 (included). When I received a call from his adviser that the Principal wanted to talk to me, and it was about Dale and the upcoming "accreditation" visit (24th and 25th), my mind went into overdrive and it started speculating on its own.

There was only one thought that came into my mind. That they would want Dale to not come to school on the said dates. I was constructing words and answers that I will say to the Principal if that was the case.

Whatever those words were, it all disappeared when I actually heard what they wanted to say. I was right.

I was dumbfounded. I was hurt. I was moved to tears.

These people had the nerve to tell me that maybe Dale should stay at home. I stopped to breathe, looked away to control my anger, and asked her why. She said that it was the suggestion of the teachers, Dale is difficult to handle, that they will be observed in all aspects, etc.

There is a second option, that is, during the times that the teacher cannot handle Dale, he will be brought to the Guidance office.

So, having him stay at home was the first option?

I was shaking with rage, but I controlled myself. As an educator myself, I was trying to put myself in the shoes of those teachers. I tried my best to understand their situation.

I gave the Principal a third option. I said maybe his guidance counselor can shadow. She said that it was one of the options. My mind was, like, questioning their decisions. One of the options? Because from my point of view, and I think from every person involved with a special child will say, that was the BEST option.

I told her, if your teachers cannot control one child, I don't think that you deserve the accreditation. I also asked her, would Dale ruin their chances for accreditation? She said no. Then, I don't see any reason for them to fret and decide like this. It's awful.

I hate to say this, but I think the Principal is not fit to be one. This issue should be handled differently. The message should have been worded carefully. Every action should have been thought over and over. Pros and cons should have been considered before they acted.

They did not even think of the repercussions of their decisions? On this day and age of computers and online communities? I am not trying to besmirch their "good" name, that is why I have not included it in this post. However, things like this cannot be helped. If you throw a pebble in the water, ripples will form. I have also thought about the repercussions of this post, and it also cannot be helped. I am a mother. I was hurt and I have the right to voice my opinion just like they did.

Before I left, I told her that we stick to the decision that Dale will come to school on those dates. I use the word we, I said, because this does not just concern me. This concerns the whole family. And not just my family, but the whole autism community. But I also told her, that on my part, I will "condition" Dale so that during those dates, he will indeed behave.

When Dale arrived, I talked to him, he said "But I do behave when there are visitors! Of course, I have to because they are important people!"

I talked to his guidance counselor on the phone, and expressed my concerns. She was very apologetic, very helpful and open to suggestions and views. She also said that Dale does behave during observations last year. So, I left the issue with her. I also apologized for the additional work, and I expressed that I do understand where they were coming from, but they should also understand us first and foremost. This was not just any school after all. We pay them 50K a year for every child, and we have three in their care.

As Dale's younger brother said when asked if their decision was correct: "No, because we all have the right to education."