Conference

...was a disaster.

it was like a clash of super powers.

arguments...

bashing of their titles.

"i'm a clinical psychologist!"

"ayun naman pala eh, seminar mo mga teachers niyo."

it all boiled down to one thing--strict discipline.

that's all that was helpful.

Updates

i just got back from the hospital due to inflammation of the kidneys...

a week in the hospital thought me a lot of things and gave me a sense of direction....

bottom line is, my kids really need me...

Dale's diary was full of teacher complaints and didn't do anything in school for the whole week... my daughter smelled... my baby was sick...

i didn't like it.

now, i'm working on changing that and preparing for a life-changing career move... i'm looking into putting up a small business that won't make me leave home always... that i can be with them when they need me...

pray for my success...

PTA Meeting.

PTA meeting kahapon... mejo kinakabahan ako, kasi baka may mga parents na mag-raise ng incident about Dale... at meron nga! Dale cut daw the bag of one child... hay... wala ako nung nagsalita ang parent, i went to Anea's classroom... ang sabi sa kin ng guidance counsellor (Ms. Garcia), ang sabi niya lang daw is kakausapin niya si Dale at yung isa pang child kung ano nangyari... we didn't have to tell them that Dale was a special child.

Sabi sa kin ni Dale, kasi daw si Carmela, she hit him on the head... kaya he borrowed a classmate's scissor and quickly cut Carmela's bag.. buti na lang hindi hair or something... wah!!!

the day that Dale wrote on his notebooks, nag-shadow pala nun sa kanya si Ms. Garcia. kaya after that, wala na naman... di na naman nagsusulat... nagiging problema na rin yung inability niya to speak, write and read Tagalog... nung nagtest sa Filipino, sinagot niya in English... Pero dun daw sa Math, mabilis naman daw natapos...

hay... ewan ko ba... sana pagpasok ng July maging ok na si Dale...

sana tuloy-tuloy na...

Dale wrote on his notebooks today... he promised 3x, but he wrote 4x... *yey!*

i texted his teacher and thanked her for her patience.

i wish everyday is June 21.

hehe.

Just wanted to note that Dale wrote in one of his notebooks today... he promised he will write again tomorrow... *happy happy joy joy*

hay

i'm getting frustrated over Dale... he came home and still didn't write on the notebook... Grrr!

mag3 weeks na...

i'm losing it.

sad

hay... i just feel so sad today... Dale went home from school and when i saw his diary, it was stamped with a note from the guidance office. he was sent there coz he hit his classmate (Ryuji) with a pencil. Ryuji got a nasty cut on the side of his face near his ear.

Though Ryuji explained that it was his fault, coz he kept on nudging Dale's hand when he was drawing causing him to miss some lines, that is no excuse for Dale to hurt anyone... this was one of my worst fears when I knew that he'll be starting regular school. iba na kasi syempre pag regular school... mas mahigpit... pwede siyang makickout sa dami ng violations...

i know i'm being hard on him and myself... pero i can't help it. i worry lagi... gusto ko lang talaga siya mapabuti... i'm not wishing for anything grand... i'm not after medals... i just want him to be... NORMAL.

i talked to Dale and as punishment i made him write HITTING IS BAD in two pieces of paper. Of course, i had to tell some lies.... and that if he keep on doing bad things, he will be sent back to SPED. that i feel bad and if he keeps on doing bad things, i might get sick and be sent to the hospital... i know, i'm evil. i hate it.

Minsan.

Ang dami kong iniisip nitong mga nakaraang araw. Sa sobrang dami, laging nasakit ang ulo ko. Parang napupuno ng napakaraming tanong pero wala namang kasagutan.

Pumapasok na si Arolf sa eskwelahan. Nung unang araw, hinatid ko sila ni Anea. Hinintay ko sandali. Nagmasid ako sa silid nila, tinitingnan kung maayos na nagaaral si Arolf. Nakita ko siyang kiming nagtataas ng kamay. Nagsasalita ng walang nakikinig. Tumatayo ng hindi naman dapat.

Binalikan ko siya bago sila maguwian. Inabutan ko syang palabas ng silid may hawak na tissue. Alam ko, dudumi siya. Yun ang isa pang iniisip ko. Walang oras ang kanyang pagdumi. Hindi ko tuloy alam kung pano ko ito sasabihin sa kanyang mga guro. Hindi pa naman siya gaanong marunong. Nakita ko rin ang banyo, hindi naman gaanong malinis. Nakakatakot na baka makakuha siya ng sakit dahil sa paggamit ng maduming banyo.

Hindi siya nagsulat sa kanilang diary. May assignment pa naman. Kailangan niyang magsaulo ng kung anu-ano. Vision, Mission, Morning Prayer, etc. Naisip ko na, mahihirapan siya. Tama nga ako. Dalawang araw na naming sinasaulo ang mga ito, hindi pa rin niya masaulo lahat. Gusto kong umiyak. Gusto kong sumuko. Naisip ko tuloy, bakit ako ang binigyan ng Panginoon ng ganitong pagsubok? Bigla kong binawi, dahil naisip ko, hindi siya isang pagsubok--anak ko siya.

Masakit isipin na pwedeng isang araw ay bigla na lamang siyang huminto sa pagaaral. Pwedeng umayaw siya dahil sa hindi na niya kaya ang mga pinagagawa sa kanya ng kanyang mga guro. Lagi kong naririnig sa kanya ngayon na "regular school is so difficult." Kinakailangan ko pa siyang takutin ng ibabalik namin siya sa SPED kung hindi siya magaaral ng mabuti... na isusumbong ko siya sa lolo niya.

Ayoko ng ginagawa ko. Ayoko ng tinatakot ko siya. Ayokong pilitin siya. Pero hindi ko matanggal sa sarili ko na mainis, na magalit pag hindi siya nasunod at gawin ang mga dapat niyang gawin. Na sumigaw pag hindi ko nakikita na bumubuti ang ugali niya. Na kakayanin niya na mamuhay ng normal.

Gusto kong umiyak.

Minsan, gusto ko ng sumuko.

Pero sa paanong paraan? San ko huhugutin ang damdaming 'pagsuko' kung sa araw-araw na nagdududa akong bubuti siya ay lalo ko naman siyang minamahal?

Minsan, gusto ko na lang siyang itigil sa pagaaral.

Pero sa paanong paraan? Pano ko maaatim na patigilin siya kung sa araw-araw na natatakot ako na kutyain siya ng mga tao dahil sa kanyang kalagayan ay lalo ko naman siyang nakikita na bumubuti?

Minsan, gusto ko ng iuntog ang ulo ko para makalimutan ko ang lahat.

Pero sa paanong paraan? Paano ko gugustuhing makalimutan ang lahat kung parte siya nito?

Mahal ko ang anak ko.

Minsan, nagdududa ako sa kakayahan niya. Minsan, nanghihina ako sa mga bagay na hindi niya magawa ng mabuti. Minsan, nagagalit ako sa mga maling nangyayari. Minsan, iniisip kong hindi ako ang tamang ina para sa kanya.

Pero, minsan lang yun.

Kaya ko ito. Alam ko. Sigurado ako.

Minsan lang kinakailangan kong magsumbong sa Diyos. Na sabihin sa kanya na huwag naman masyadong mabigat, Lord. Na sana bigyan ako ng mga araw na hindi ko kinakailangang magduda, sumigaw, magalit, at manakot.

Kahit minsan lang.

The Boy Who Could’ve Soared Higher

(sorry for not posting for too long... this post isn't about Dale, but i'm angry and i want to breathe. pardon the mistakes and all.)

Every child and adolescent has a right to education… or so I thought.

Ever since I was a child, I dreamed of becoming a teacher. I envisioned myself honing a child, watching a child develop, being a second mother. This dream magnified when I watched The Boy Who Could Fly when I was a kid and saw a teacher who kept an autistic student from being sent into an asylum.

As I grew older, the realization that a teacher’s salary cannot possibly be enough for my family struck me, so, I took on a different course and eventually became a call center employee.

However, there was still this call to teach someday, and I decided to take up units in Education so I could take the Licensure Examinations for Teachers. I took it in 2004 and passed.

I haven’t taught in a classroom setting yet. The cost of living and feeding three children alone made me re-think my career choices, but I still have high respect for teachers. Until I read a text message from my sister-in-law:

“si vhon, ayaw ng tanggapin sa school nila, nakausap ko yung adviser.”

When I spoke with my sister-in-law, she explained that the soon-to-be adviser Ms. Cleofe Abad (Christ The Lord of Harvest, San Mateo), was the one who talked to her. She was also the former Biology teacher of my nephew who also took a summer class with her.

The reason was the child already committed too many school violations. I asked my sister how many of these violations exactly does she know of. She said she knew of one formal complaint and incident report, wherein my nephew hit (“binatukan”) another student. Other than that, there was no formal complaint.

I love my nephew. That is evident. But, I also do not condone hurting people or any bad behavior. But this side I have to explain. My nephew is different than other 15-year old adolescents. This was made clear to every adviser who has handled my nephew before the start of every class.

We have noticed this “behavior” when he started school. He is hard-headed, ill-tempered, always on the go, rarely focused, easily irritated. These result to fights, first and foremost with the family, and then with the school. He also had difficulty on focusing on his studies other than sports. His parents tried every discipline strategy. They tried talking to him, they tried being hard on him… nothing worked. There were moments when my nephew listens and does what he is told, but he chooses those moments, and nobody can foretell when.

I have a special child of my own, who I am proud to say have been accepted in a regular school after four years of SPED. I even took a few units of SPED from the University of the Philippines just so I could understand my child’s disorder. That was also the time when the idea that my nephew could’ve been a special child, too, came to mind. But since he was already in high school, we thought he was too old for a diagnosis.

We have accepted the fact that he might not complete tertiary education at all, and we are trying our best to have him complete at least secondary education, and then have him trained for a livelihood, like automotive or just having a carwash business that his parents could eventually let him manage when he is ready.

As a licensed teacher, I swore under oath to become the best teacher I could be with the student’s welfare on top of my priorities. Now, I ask myself, did this Biology teacher took the same oath? What were her priorities as an educator? I cannot understand how a teacher who has taken an oath before God and country can deny a student his right to education.

They also said that it was the teacher’s decision; they couldn’t do anything about it. This particular student have been in this school for two years now, and this particular teacher was the only one my nephew does not like because he feels like “pinagiinitan siya”.

One particular incident was that my nephew failed to wear his polo shirt to class (instead, an ordinary shirt), he said he was sorry and would not do it again. He also said there were other students who were not wearing their uniform. This teacher asked him to leave the room and go home. When asked why she did so, she said “to be an example to other students.”

I told myself, if this is the kind of teacher I could be, I will be a disgrace to the profession. Using a student to educate other students like this is far more than setting an example. Why didn’t she order all those who were not wearing their uniforms to go home? Why use my nephew? Or is it something else?

My nephew also told us that one time, he fell asleep in class. Instead of waking him up properly, this teacher threw a chalk at him. We understand the fact that my nephew is difficult to deal with. What we can’t understand is why this Biology teacher cannot deal with it, while other teachers can?

She said my nephew passed the summer class. My sister-in-law asked her what grade her son got. She said, “bibigyan ko siya ng 75.” I ask myself again, is giving out grades like plucking it from nowhere? Just so my nephew will not be enrolled to her class and can be enrolled to another school, she will give him a passing mark?

She also said the school will provide my nephew a good moral character (certificate). Now, I ask you, if my nephew is as difficult as she has made his parents believe, why would they even give him this certificate?

I don’t even understand why the teacher was the one his parents were talking to. Why didn’t the principal herself talk to them? Is this how they handle difficult situations or they just do not know what their teachers are up to?

I still believe that being a teacher is the noblest profession. I still dream that one day I could afford to give up a well-paying job and teach instead. I still wish that my nephew can finish even secondary education without being ridiculed, shouted at, thrown a chalk, or be sent home for not wearing his uniform.

I remember my nephew telling me when he was younger, referring to something that I was coveting on TV: “Di bale Tita, ‘pag tapos ko ng college at yumaman ako, ibibili kita ng sampu niyan.”

I beamed at him that day, and wished really hard for it to come true. I prayed that someday, he could fly and soar higher than the rest. But now it seems like there are people who wants to clip his wings.

Ms. Abad, I tell you now and you must do well to remember it, you will not succeed in putting him down. If we cannot find more good teachers to formally teach him, then I would do it, even if it means not having a diploma telling him he finished secondary school. We will not let that piece of paper be the judge of what he can be.

As a line from my favorite movie says… if you wish hard enough, love long enough… anything is possible.

wow.

My blog is worth $5,080.86.
How much is your blog worth?

hanep no?