Arolf's Family Day

It was Arolf's Family Day in school (San Isidro Catholic School) today. We came in late coz it was raining hard here. My mom bought the puto at kutsinta that was the 'toka' of Arolf. She bought it from the market and placed it in a bilao.

Mom and Anea went to church first. It was just me, Arolf, and Tony who went to the gym. As soon as we got there, most of the kids shouted Arolf's name. Clearly, he's popular in school. A lot of kids came up to me and complained about him, like this one kid who said Arolf cut his bag or his notebook. Tsk! Tsk! Kawawang mga bata, naiisahan ng anak ko.



Girls and boys alike went out to greet him, even kids from other sections! I didn't know how to feel. The only thing that lacked was the attention from the parents. I have never been friendly with other parents from school, even with Anea's classmates.

I still dunno how to react if they will ask me why Arolf behaves in a certain way. I dunno if I could say that he's special.

Anyway, he had a great time at first... running about, playing... dancing...



but then it rained hard and he tried to cover his ears... i had to embrace him and tell him that everything will be fine and he should take off his fingers from his ears because people are beginning to stare. He did. He then just sat on my lap and wanted to go home already.

After eating, there was another game of Palayok and all the players were already chosen... He got into a tantrum since he wanted to play. I didn't let him coz I said he had to learn to accept realities.

We went home immediately.

All-in-all, it was ok. Tony even had so much fun.



He got the experience we wanted. I saw his classmates' reaction towards him. I'm sure everything will be fine in time.

Alyana

About a year or so ago, a letter came to me asking for permission to 'show' Arolf in a film documentary entitled Alyana. They said that they will show him in a positive light.

The first thought that came to mind was, will it have a negative effect on my son?

As an advocate for special children, I signed the paper.

I am not and will never be ashamed of Arolf's condition. I am so proud of everything he has accomplished, even little things like putting his trash in the waste bin properly without us ordering him to do so.

I thought, if this will shed light to other parents who are going through the same emotions I have everyday, then so be it.

I forgot all about the movie. As I said, it was years ago.

Then when I heard about it to be shown, I thought, it sounds familiar... and I wanted very much to see it... Though I got sick, and UP Diliman is quite far for me, I really wasn't going to.

Until the conference where T'Mila, his former SPED teacher, advised me to get my 2 complimentary tickets for Alyana and explained to me that it was the film that asked for my permission before.

OMG. hahaha...

So, I got the tickets and watched it with my mom.

They said Arolf will just have a bit part, like showing him cleaning something. So I said, OK... Eventhough it was a bit part, he's still on it, and it's a documentary film, very informational. My mom would better understand Arolf's condition when I bring her with me.

Of course, i invited Arolf's dad first, but he said he had a prior commitment. He should've been the one who needed more information about his son.

The movie was 2 and a half hours long and in fact they have to cut it into 2 parts so the people watching can have a break.

The first thing that got me excited was one of the posters... Arolf's name was on it! My mom saw it, and after the show she got it from the walls without even asking someone... hahahaha! That's my mom.



Since I didn't know when he's gonna be on, I had to take out the digicam and wait like crazy pushing buttons and changing batteries... It's a shame that I didn't get the first part of the credits coz Arolf's name nga was on it pala.

When I saw the part where T'Mila was already in, I pressed record and got his first appearance. Pity it ain't clear.

He was washing a chair... and very much like he knows how to! My mom had to laugh coz we never thought he could do that... he's so lazy around the house!



We were considering not finishing the movie since it was already late and we have to commute to go home, but I insisted we finish it.. We didn't know that he will be shown 3 more times! It's like he really IS into the movie, and not a bit part.. I wasn't able to capture the rest on video, coz we really didn't know when he'll show and it's always in passing.

The next scene, he was shown walking to the board to tell time, only his back was shown.
And then when he was in the church, close up.
He was asked to write something on the board, side-view.

I was so psyched. My son is a movie star. Hahaha.

I really have to grab a hold of a copy of that movie... not just because Arolf was on it, but I wanted to give copies of it to people for their own understanding of the truths and myths of every child who has it.

The hardships and emotions that parents go through everyday. The clinical, medical, educational, and other aspects of the disability. The many adults who has the same condition living a normal life. How they think with much more sense that us 'normal' people.

And of course, it's permanence. That this condition will never go away.

That is one of the reasons I wanted now to go into a business. Because when I got sick, I realized, if I had died, what will happen to Arolf? Surely, he will be neglected by his father's family... I am sure of it. He might not get the proper education, maybe institutionalized.

I wanted to give him a start in life... I wanted him to get into business like a computer shop or food business where he can work on his own time, be his own boss. Just live and earn and not have to wait on someone to give it to him.

That is one of the reasons I teach Anea and Tony to love their brother everyday. Siblings play an important role.

I realized now how much more I have to teach him... how much more understanding I have to provide... how much more time I have to provide.

I realized everything with one excellent documentary film by MiranaMedina.

Conference

...was a disaster.

it was like a clash of super powers.

arguments...

bashing of their titles.

"i'm a clinical psychologist!"

"ayun naman pala eh, seminar mo mga teachers niyo."

it all boiled down to one thing--strict discipline.

that's all that was helpful.

Updates

i just got back from the hospital due to inflammation of the kidneys...

a week in the hospital thought me a lot of things and gave me a sense of direction....

bottom line is, my kids really need me...

Dale's diary was full of teacher complaints and didn't do anything in school for the whole week... my daughter smelled... my baby was sick...

i didn't like it.

now, i'm working on changing that and preparing for a life-changing career move... i'm looking into putting up a small business that won't make me leave home always... that i can be with them when they need me...

pray for my success...

PTA Meeting.

PTA meeting kahapon... mejo kinakabahan ako, kasi baka may mga parents na mag-raise ng incident about Dale... at meron nga! Dale cut daw the bag of one child... hay... wala ako nung nagsalita ang parent, i went to Anea's classroom... ang sabi sa kin ng guidance counsellor (Ms. Garcia), ang sabi niya lang daw is kakausapin niya si Dale at yung isa pang child kung ano nangyari... we didn't have to tell them that Dale was a special child.

Sabi sa kin ni Dale, kasi daw si Carmela, she hit him on the head... kaya he borrowed a classmate's scissor and quickly cut Carmela's bag.. buti na lang hindi hair or something... wah!!!

the day that Dale wrote on his notebooks, nag-shadow pala nun sa kanya si Ms. Garcia. kaya after that, wala na naman... di na naman nagsusulat... nagiging problema na rin yung inability niya to speak, write and read Tagalog... nung nagtest sa Filipino, sinagot niya in English... Pero dun daw sa Math, mabilis naman daw natapos...

hay... ewan ko ba... sana pagpasok ng July maging ok na si Dale...

sana tuloy-tuloy na...

Dale wrote on his notebooks today... he promised 3x, but he wrote 4x... *yey!*

i texted his teacher and thanked her for her patience.

i wish everyday is June 21.

hehe.

Just wanted to note that Dale wrote in one of his notebooks today... he promised he will write again tomorrow... *happy happy joy joy*

hay

i'm getting frustrated over Dale... he came home and still didn't write on the notebook... Grrr!

mag3 weeks na...

i'm losing it.

sad

hay... i just feel so sad today... Dale went home from school and when i saw his diary, it was stamped with a note from the guidance office. he was sent there coz he hit his classmate (Ryuji) with a pencil. Ryuji got a nasty cut on the side of his face near his ear.

Though Ryuji explained that it was his fault, coz he kept on nudging Dale's hand when he was drawing causing him to miss some lines, that is no excuse for Dale to hurt anyone... this was one of my worst fears when I knew that he'll be starting regular school. iba na kasi syempre pag regular school... mas mahigpit... pwede siyang makickout sa dami ng violations...

i know i'm being hard on him and myself... pero i can't help it. i worry lagi... gusto ko lang talaga siya mapabuti... i'm not wishing for anything grand... i'm not after medals... i just want him to be... NORMAL.

i talked to Dale and as punishment i made him write HITTING IS BAD in two pieces of paper. Of course, i had to tell some lies.... and that if he keep on doing bad things, he will be sent back to SPED. that i feel bad and if he keeps on doing bad things, i might get sick and be sent to the hospital... i know, i'm evil. i hate it.

Minsan.

Ang dami kong iniisip nitong mga nakaraang araw. Sa sobrang dami, laging nasakit ang ulo ko. Parang napupuno ng napakaraming tanong pero wala namang kasagutan.

Pumapasok na si Arolf sa eskwelahan. Nung unang araw, hinatid ko sila ni Anea. Hinintay ko sandali. Nagmasid ako sa silid nila, tinitingnan kung maayos na nagaaral si Arolf. Nakita ko siyang kiming nagtataas ng kamay. Nagsasalita ng walang nakikinig. Tumatayo ng hindi naman dapat.

Binalikan ko siya bago sila maguwian. Inabutan ko syang palabas ng silid may hawak na tissue. Alam ko, dudumi siya. Yun ang isa pang iniisip ko. Walang oras ang kanyang pagdumi. Hindi ko tuloy alam kung pano ko ito sasabihin sa kanyang mga guro. Hindi pa naman siya gaanong marunong. Nakita ko rin ang banyo, hindi naman gaanong malinis. Nakakatakot na baka makakuha siya ng sakit dahil sa paggamit ng maduming banyo.

Hindi siya nagsulat sa kanilang diary. May assignment pa naman. Kailangan niyang magsaulo ng kung anu-ano. Vision, Mission, Morning Prayer, etc. Naisip ko na, mahihirapan siya. Tama nga ako. Dalawang araw na naming sinasaulo ang mga ito, hindi pa rin niya masaulo lahat. Gusto kong umiyak. Gusto kong sumuko. Naisip ko tuloy, bakit ako ang binigyan ng Panginoon ng ganitong pagsubok? Bigla kong binawi, dahil naisip ko, hindi siya isang pagsubok--anak ko siya.

Masakit isipin na pwedeng isang araw ay bigla na lamang siyang huminto sa pagaaral. Pwedeng umayaw siya dahil sa hindi na niya kaya ang mga pinagagawa sa kanya ng kanyang mga guro. Lagi kong naririnig sa kanya ngayon na "regular school is so difficult." Kinakailangan ko pa siyang takutin ng ibabalik namin siya sa SPED kung hindi siya magaaral ng mabuti... na isusumbong ko siya sa lolo niya.

Ayoko ng ginagawa ko. Ayoko ng tinatakot ko siya. Ayokong pilitin siya. Pero hindi ko matanggal sa sarili ko na mainis, na magalit pag hindi siya nasunod at gawin ang mga dapat niyang gawin. Na sumigaw pag hindi ko nakikita na bumubuti ang ugali niya. Na kakayanin niya na mamuhay ng normal.

Gusto kong umiyak.

Minsan, gusto ko ng sumuko.

Pero sa paanong paraan? San ko huhugutin ang damdaming 'pagsuko' kung sa araw-araw na nagdududa akong bubuti siya ay lalo ko naman siyang minamahal?

Minsan, gusto ko na lang siyang itigil sa pagaaral.

Pero sa paanong paraan? Pano ko maaatim na patigilin siya kung sa araw-araw na natatakot ako na kutyain siya ng mga tao dahil sa kanyang kalagayan ay lalo ko naman siyang nakikita na bumubuti?

Minsan, gusto ko ng iuntog ang ulo ko para makalimutan ko ang lahat.

Pero sa paanong paraan? Paano ko gugustuhing makalimutan ang lahat kung parte siya nito?

Mahal ko ang anak ko.

Minsan, nagdududa ako sa kakayahan niya. Minsan, nanghihina ako sa mga bagay na hindi niya magawa ng mabuti. Minsan, nagagalit ako sa mga maling nangyayari. Minsan, iniisip kong hindi ako ang tamang ina para sa kanya.

Pero, minsan lang yun.

Kaya ko ito. Alam ko. Sigurado ako.

Minsan lang kinakailangan kong magsumbong sa Diyos. Na sabihin sa kanya na huwag naman masyadong mabigat, Lord. Na sana bigyan ako ng mga araw na hindi ko kinakailangang magduda, sumigaw, magalit, at manakot.

Kahit minsan lang.